Parenting

I think every parent, mom and dad, under ALL circumstances need to put the needs of their children first while they are growing up.

That is how it was intended by God.

Though I do mean needs, as in development and growth needs as well as love and financial needs.

What I see way too much of is giving into a child”s wants as the supposedly easiest way to pacify a child rather than actually being a parent.

My sons were given everything they needed to become good adult men. Their wants were not a big consideration (well, maybe at Christmas and birthdays) because I was raising them to be responsible adults and today they are because of this. No unwed babies, no drugs, no jail, college education for my eldest, good jobs, stable relationships, responsible members of society.

This is what it means to be a success as as a parent. (Not that some parents don’t do all in their power and the children still make poor or really bad choices, and that isn’t the parent’s fault.)

 

Personal Entry about medical care aversion

This is actually 99% a letter I sent to a friend who wisely counseled me to seek medical attention after I not only broke my big toe on my right foot, but when I broke it, I also half ripped the nail off so I was squirting blood at the same time.  (No, I didn’t actually seek medical attention and you’ll see this is not an unusual act below.)

Ok, I’m sure, now my readers want to know how I broke my toe.   It was really warm about 4am and I’d already closed the house up for the winter.  All the storm windows were down.  I opened the window, then the storm window.  In my delirium from not having yet been asleep (nod to Facebook for keeping me up during a work night to 4am), I forgot to put down the screen.  Moments later, my cat jumped into the window and nearly fell out.  It is a 9 foot drop!  I was so worried about my cat, I went flying off my bed to get to the window to save my cat.  My right foot got caught in the sheet and I tripped.  My toe came smashing facing straight down with 200+ pounds.  Broken toe and ripped up nail.  (PS.  The pain was terrible!  Easily the 4th worse pain I’ve EVER felt and that is a big statement when you read below.)

The letter below:

I think it is almost something hardwired into men about needing assistance, including medical.

This is minor compared to some injuries I’ve avoided medical attention. In 1999 I made an extremely poor mistake, forgetting I am NOT superman, tried to move a 3000 pound fully loaded 20 oz soda cooler with a hand dolly (alone) and dropped it on my right leg. All 3000 pounds landed handle first directly on the inside of my leg immediately above the knee. And pinned myself under it when it fell. I ruined the muscles, the internal bleeding was so bad that my whole leg turned black, and when my mom nagged me enough to go to the hospital 2 DAYS later, the bleeding was so bad that they could not operate to fix anything because I would have bled to death. All we could so is wait to see if I died or not. AND, through pain most people can only imagine, I had to continue to run my restaurant. I admit to spending a lot of time crying in anguish from the pain. I could take nothing for the pain which would thin my blood and increase the chances of death. (Aspirin is a good blood thinner which is why people take low doses to help prevent heart attacks.)

Once I lived, only by the graces of God, the doctors told me I would never walk again. I refused to accept that, just like I refused to accept I would lose the ability to properly use my right index finger after I chopped it almost complete off with a meat slicer in 1989 (but that is another story since I did DRIVE to the emergency room after I drove home 30 miles away and picked up my wife first). The muscles are still dead, crushed, but I did a lot of WORK to develop the undamaged muscles surrounding the ruined area. I’ve regained 90% for use and no one can tell at all about the injury unless I try to over do it to much. (This when I started gaining weight, from being unable to maintain the levels of activity I have always had. Though, my voracious appetite for everything, including food has never decreased to much my decreased ability to maintain my previous physical activity levels.)

Ok, that is probably more than you’d expect of the history of Paul. LOL. I talk the same; it CONSTANT streams of consciousness.

Paul

Who I am

“Who I am?”  –  I am me, and while I change, yet do I remain the same.  I am not my job, my past, the roles I play in life, but these are only small reflections of inner self that comes from having a perfected understanding of God and His Will and the part of the divine that resides in me.

AND:

To transcend your mind can be found only by achieving an understanding of God and His Will. Having achieved this, all else is superficial.

Family

“@disneywords: Family is about who you love, not just who you’re born to. –Pedro (Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2)”

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

How To Deal With A Difficult Mother In Law

Image via Wikipedia

Question: “Dealing with a mother-in-law…how do I respond to the problem of a mother-in-law who is overbearing, controlling, and meddling?”

Answer: A mother-in-law who is demanding, controlling, and intrusive into the lives of her son/daughter and son/daughter-in-law is what the Bible calls a “busybody” (1 Timothy 5:13). The meaning of the Greek word that is translated “busybody” in the 1 Peter passage means, “a self appointed overseer in other men’s matters.” That describes what some mothers-in-law are engaged in, or at least accused of. This kind of behavior is annoying, very frustrating, and it is obviously contrary to God’s viewpoint.

Obviously, the dynamics in such a situation are frustrating. Some mothers-in-law do these things because no one else in the family has given them boundaries. Therefore, she becomes an overbearing “bully.” Perhaps she does not even realize how intrusive and controlling she is. To her it may just be “loving.” If that is the case, perhaps a heart to heart talk will clear the air. If she does understand what she is doing and does it on purpose even after she has been asked to stop, then there is nothing that you are going to be able to do to alter that. At any rate, it is not your place to stop your mother-in-law from her interfering; it is your spouse’s.

Regardless of which side of the family the interference comes from, it is an assault upon the sanctity of the marriage and violates the “leave and cleave” of God’s order for marriage (Genesis 2:23-24). A man and woman leave their birth families and begin a new family, and they are to love and protect each other. A husband who allows his mother to interfere with his marriage is not living up to the commandment given to husbands in Ephesians 5:25-33. The same can be said if it is the wife’s mother that is interfering. Boundaries need to be set and then held regardless of the “feelings” of one’s family. The reality is that people treat us the way we allow them to treat us. If we permit them to trample the sanctity of our family, then that is what they will do. No one, not even our extended family, has the right to invade the privacy of our home. So if your mother-in-law is interfering in your lives, your spouse is allowing it.

What can we do personally about a woman who acts in the way a meddling mother-in-law does? We can make a choice not to allow her to take away our peace of mind. We may not be able to change the way others behave, but how we respond to their behavior is our choice. We can allow the actions of other people to get to us, or we can choose to give it over to God and allow Him to use this to strengthen us spiritually. If our own response to this type of situation that fuels our frustration. Only we can stop wearing ourselves out emotionally by allowing a interfering mother-in-law’s actions to be the arbiter of our own peace. Her behavior is not our responsibility, our response is.

Your mother-in-law is going to continue to be the way she is until she makes a choice to stop, or her family makes it so uncomfortable for her that she must stop, or God stops her. I can understand that right now you are probably angry, frustrated and at the end of your emotional rope. However, this is not a problem that an outsider can solve for you. If this woman habitually behaves in this way, your spouse and family have facilitated this woman’s behavior by tolerating it.

You can be gracious to her, but you do not have to facilitate her. Treat her with respect and love, but do not allow your emotions to entangle you in frustration at what you see as her obnoxious behavior. The best way to disengage an enemy is to make them an ally. Do not respond in kind, but with a kind response. You may disarm her, or at the very least make her wonder what you are up to. The only thing you are responsible for is your own heart and your own motives.

You can continue to allow this woman to have power over you or you can choose to give her what she has not given you. What is that? Grace! You can give her the grace of forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32). It may not stop her interfering, but it will be a source of strength and peace for you to stand in (Ephesians 6:11-17). The only place to find true peace of heart is in a personal relationship with God through Christ. I pray you will deal with your own heart need and concentrate upon responding by resting in His peace.

My Son Admits Having Listened To Dad

Truth

“I bring reason to your ears, and, in language as plain as ABC, hold up truth to your eyes.” Thomas Paine, December 23, 1776

Mother-in-law Facebook Rant

My wife just woke me to tell me about the facebook posting her mother put on her facebook.

How warped is posting on your daughter’s facebook that she is being abused because I added a Airport Taxi Service to the services our business provides to increase income?!

I just do not understand how she can commit such despicable acts that only anger and upset her daughter, my wife!

It sat on Rachel’s profile for family and friends to see for two hours before it was discovered and removed. In the mean time, who knows how many people saw the pure hate filled rant. We know at least one of her friends from high school did because she asked her mother what was wrong.

Ugh, poor Rachel had to tell her friend that it was just her mom acting up again and that nothing is really wrong. It is so frustrating to have Rachel so upset with her mother because her mother just can not seem to behave.

This is an escalation of her mother’s inappropriate behaviors. Of course, while awaiting Rachel’s new phone to arrive (her old one simply died while she was talking on it during lunch two days ago), her mother hasn’t been able to text or call to harass her so she felt compelled to escalate to facebook.

I told Rachel she should just block her mother on facebook, but Rachel is afraid that will just set her mom off more. Of course, Rachel is right, but we both are real tired of trying not to get her mom started on her tangents. The most innocent and good things set her off into incoherent and non-reality based texting, emailing, and calling Rachel. If I remember correctly, this is the second time she has written delusional ranting comments on Rachel’s facebook.

As a follower of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I keep forgiving her mother her trespasses as Jesus forgives mine and praying that He will restore her mother to mental stability and remove the darkness that has enveloped her with delusional hatred and vitriol toward her daughter and me.

Women Abusing Men

Battered men/husbands/fathers have always existed. But, due to the stigma society has on battered males and the court systems complete denial of its existence, men do not speak out or seek help. If a woman attacks her husband, the police come and arrest the male regardless of the circumstances. In some states, they will also take the females, but the male victim is still arrested, charged with a crime and the woman gets offered court appoint assistance.

Help for Battered Men
Domestic violence befalls mostly women, but men are victims, too.
WebMD Feature

More than 830,000 men fall victim to domestic violence every year, which means every 37.8 seconds, somewhere in America a man is battered, according to the National Violence Against Women Survey. While more than 1.5 million women are also victims, everyone — no matter their sex –deserves help.

“Domestic violence is not about size, gender, or strength,” says Jan Brown, executive director and founder of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men. “It’s about abuse, control, and power, and getting out of dangerous situations and getting help, whether you are a woman being abused, or a man.”

There are more than 4,000 domestic violence programs in the U.S., but Brown says very few actually offer the same services to men as they do women. So where can a man turn for support when he is being abused? Domestic violence experts offer advice for men who may be falling through the cracks.
Abuse Against Men

“Domestic violence against men is very similar to domestic violence against women,” says Brown. “It can come in the form of physical abuse, emotional, verbal, or financial.”

As with abuse against women, Brown explains that abuse against men can mean a partner or spouse will:

Withhold approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment

* Criticize, name call, or shout
* Take away your car keys or money
* Regularly threaten to leave or to make you leave
* Threaten to hurt you or a family member
* Punish or deprive your children when angry at you
* Threaten to kidnap the children if you leave
* Abuse or hurt your pets
* Harass you about affairs your spouse imagines you are having
* Manipulate you with lies and contradictions
* Destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances
* Wield a gun/knife in a threatening way
* Hit, kick, shove, punch, bite, spit, or throw things when upset

In one instance, Brown received a letter from a woman who said her brother was being abused by his wife, who would scratch him, throw things at him, point a gun at him, break his eyeglasses, and flush his medications down the toilet — among other things.

“The sister said in her letter that her brother stitched a cut on his arm himself, with a thread and needle, because his wife had cut him and he didn’t want to go to the hospital,” says Brown. “Can you imagine being so embarrassed that your wife hits you that you do that?”
Distinguishing Factors

That is a distinguishing factor between battered women and battered men, explains Brown: Men — like this one — are more likely to be embarrassed by their abuse, making them less likely to report it, according to the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men web site, which states men often worry, “What will people think if they knew I let a woman beat up on me?” and “I don’t want to be laughed at; no one would believe me.”

WANT TO continue reading?

Click here (external link) http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/help-for-battered-men?page=2

Where to Get Help

“The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men is the only one in the nation that offers support and help in finding resources specifically for men,” says Brown, of the not-for-profit helpline. “We’ll provide options and support and help a man understand that the abuse is not his fault and it is not acceptable. The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men can be reached from anywhere in the nation, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, by calling (877) 643-1120 and entering PIN number 0757.”

Should a Non-Muslim woman marry a Muslim Man

As a Muslim, he has been taught the Qu’ran’s and Hadith (deeds and words of their false prophet) which are that woman are property to be owned. He has been taught that woman are to obey or be beaten. The Koran is clear and unmistakable. Exactly mirroring all legal systems that administer increasingly harsher penalties for continued wrongdoing, the Koran says the Husband should first verbally admonish her, next ground her to the bedroom like a child, and finally when all else fails, to beat her.

1. Give her a piece of your mind by scolding and rebuking her.
2. Ignore her, ground her to her room, starving her of sex, affection and attention. (This is recognized to day as a form of passive wife abuse)
3. Physically beat her.

“Men have authority over women because God has made the one superior to the other, and because they spend their wealth to maintain them. Good women are obedient. They guard their unseen parts because God has guarded them. As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and send them to beds apart and beat them. Then if they obey you, take no further action against them. Surely God is high, supreme.” (Qu’ran, 4:34)

If you become Muslim, you still are not equal to other Muslims, and if you leave He and His family and all other Muslims are ordered to kill you.

“Whoever changes his religion, kill him.”
[Bukhari, Hakim, Ibn Abi Shaybah, Tabarani]

My sister made this mistake, marrying a liberal moderate Muslim doctor who was pressured to beat her for her speaking out as a person and not obeying his every order as is expected. He was a ‘good Muslim”, but there is no such thing if they believe their own religion. The only really good Muslim is one who sees the errors in following a false evil Prophet such a Muhammad who himself killed, raped, robbed, and tortured men and women and children, including his SIX year old wife.

Also, as a Muslim male, he has been taught he is allowed up to four wives regardless of the laws against it since only Sharia (Muslim Law) counts. “Then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course. ” Qu’ran 4:3 The Qur’an permits a man to marry up to four wives, provided he can support and treat them all equally.

FOR CHRISTIAN WOMEN:

Some things were just never intended to be! This is true for vital relationships in life. The apostle Paul wrote the saints in Corinth, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14, KJV).

Source(s):

Hadith (also known as Sunnah/Sunnat) -acts and says of Muhammed

http://wikiislam.net/wiki/Dealing_Justly_with_Wives_and_Orphans
Personal study of Islam